


C Is For Zombie

by beer_good



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cheerleaders, Community: zombie_fest, Gen, Hunted Vampires, Season/Series 03, Vampires, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beer_good/pseuds/beer_good
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for <b>zombie-fest</b>. When Buffy doesn’t return to Sunnydale after the events of season 2, and the various legions of undead start to take advantage of this, someone else has to step in and protect the town their way. They don’t call her Queen C for nothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	C Is For Zombie

**Title:** C Is For Zombie  
**Author:** Beer Good  
**Fandom:** _Buffy The Vampire Slayer_  
**Characters/Pairings:** Cordelia Chase, Rupert Giles  
**Word count:** ~800  
**Rating/Contents:** PG13; some gore.  
**Summary:** Written for **zombie_fest**. When Buffy doesn’t return to Sunnydale after the events of season 2, and the various legions of undead start to take advantage of this, someone else has to step in and protect the town their way. They don’t call her Queen C for nothing.

 _Be true to your school! (rah-rah-rah-rah-sis-boom-bah!)_  
_Let your colors fly! (rah-rah-rah-rah-sis-boom-bah!)_  
\- The Beach Boys

**C Is For Zombie**

"Hey, did you hear about Sunnydale?"

The rumour spread quickly, if not very quickly. Vampires, by and large, have no effective forms of mass communication, not to mention no real interest in sharing useful information with each other, but you couldn’t leave the Hellmouth Slayerless forever without anyone noticing.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. The Slayer ran off and isn’t coming back. I'm telling you, the whole town's wide open."

"Awesome. Let me get my brother and we'll go."

The three vampires obviously weren't the first to think of it; shortly after dark, the streets of Sunnydale were already all but abandoned. Apart from one or two cars driving quickly towards a safe home with locked doors, they didn't see anyone until they got to the alley behind the Bronze, where -

"Dude, check out that chick."

"Hey, sweetheart. Isn't cheerleading practice over?"

"That outfit looks kinda chilly. Don't worry, that won't bother you soon enough."

The lone teenage girl in the cheerleading outfit turned to face them, and there was something about... OK, it was dark, and even vampire vision can only do so much, but were her eyes really supposed to glow like that, and what was up with her face...?

Then she suddenly raised her pompoms in the air and shouted "GIVE ME A B!" Something among the trash at the back of the alley mumbled in response.

"Hey, what - "

"GIVE ME AN R!" Pompoms out to the sides. There was a low growling, seeming to come all around them.

"GIVE ME AN A!" "Aaaargh," came the response, louder now.

The three vampires looked around. Shapes were shuffling out from behind the girl... and behind them, as well. All dressed in the same red-and-yellow cheerleader outfits.

Pompoms straight up, "GIVE ME AN I!" And they did.

One of the vampires started realising something. "Uh, guys, I don't know what the fuck is going on here, but maybe we should just..."

"Dude, relax. It's a cheerleading squad, what are they going to do, spell us to death?"

That did appear to be the plan. "GIVE ME AN N!" "Eeeeeeehn," a chorus of voices drawled. And come to think of it, while the first girl was still enthusiastically waving her pompoms, the others weren't so much shuffling as... shambling. Staring. _Waiting_.

"GIVE ME AN S!" "...sssssssss."

The alley grew deathly quiet for a few seconds as the hissing ebbed out, and the head cheerleader fixed her strangely red eyes on the three increasingly nervous vampires, who were now surrounded on all sides. The bottom half of her face smiled. "WHAT'S THAT SPELL?"

"Brraaaaaaaiiiinnnnsss," came the moaned response from the other girls, except one. "Baaarrrrnssss...?"

The girl with the pompoms shook her head. "Harmony, for the love of... WHAT'S THAT SPELL?"

"BRAAAAAAAINS!"

The roar echoed through the alley. The vampires suddenly realised they really had to be somewhere else, like right _now_ , but before they had time to do anything about it the girl triumphantly pointed her pompoms at them and yelled "GOOOOOOOO RAZORBACKS!" I wish I could tell you they barely had time to realise what happened as the squad of undead girls fell on them, but having your brain chewed out of your skull isn't usually regarded as the most quick and painless of deaths, even less so for beings who don't technically die until the brainstem is completely severed from the spine - and hungry zombies want to savour as much as they can before their victims dust. Speech centres are very tasty, though, so the initial screams soon gave way to munching.

Cordelia took off Joyce's African zombie mask and her eyes immediately returned to normal as she watched her crew feed. "You can come out now," she said over her shoulder.

Giles walked up beside her, keeping a careful eye on the feasting zombies. "Are you alright?"

"I'm gonna have a bitch of a headache tomorrow, but not as bad as those guys."

"I mean…" He gave her a concerned look. "You’ve known these girls your whole life, and after that zombie outbreak at the gym a week ago - "

Cordelia cut him off. "Exactly. So they should know there’s no way I’m letting them skip cheerleading practice and let themselves go, just because they got themselves a tiny bit zombiefied."

"Quite." He took the mask from Cordelia, giving it a quick inspection. "You know, historically, most people who tried to use this to control zombies ended up with it stuck on their face forever, but - "

"Please," Cordelia said, "like I'd be caught dead in that thing when anyone's watching. Let's just say you owe me for a _lot_ of foundation. But hey, I’ve got my own zombie army, and I’m worth it."


End file.
